There is no glory in getting it right. It’s all about taking on the challenge and stepping up to the yeah, I’m ready to shift stuff and it’s kind of going to suck for a while point.
- Havi Brooks
So on the topic of blocks standing between me and Shiva Nata for the past few months: there have been some. As in, the understatement of the year. 
The process of becoming aware of those blocks is still pretty much under way, so I’ll try to nudge out some understanding – and maybe some attempt at letting me be exactly where I am with the blocks. So here goes.
The whole concept of doing it right
This block has two sides to it in my head.
During the past few months, there have been quite a lot of changes going on with my life. What with finishing my teacher training, moving to a new house, my parents moving to a new house, getting married and changing my name, as well as starting a new job…
Suffice to say there has been a lot of what-the-heck-is-happening -ness in my life. In those moments, I crave security and comfort. I don’t necessarily crave to be challenged even further. And I don’t need extra helpings of getting something wrong again and again.
Which is a bummer, since that’s pretty much Shiva Nata, right there. My brain knows doing the Dance would help me cope with the insecurity. It would help me to be present in the moment and to accept not being in control all the time. My gut, though, won’t have any of it.
So now, if I do Shiva Nata, I do the familiar levels to de-fuzz my brain or to reinvigorate my shoulders. I’m not even looking towards advancing along level 4, because I get an instant reaction of “auugh, I don’t wanna!!!” when I think of pushing myself in that direction.
And that’s the other side of the block.
I feel I’m totally not doing the concept of Shiva Nata justice by “just” doing what I know. There’s this big sign hanging on top of my head:
You’re doing Shiva Nata for the wrong reasons!!
(warning: the following paragraph will contain several instances of the sh-word.)
I mean, I should be after all those juicy, delicious epiphanies and hot buttered insights, shouldn’t I? I should have the drive to advance onwards, to get deliciously mixed up, to crave being in the zone? Shiva Nata should be my secret weapon in getting through the daily grind of always having to think, create, come up with solutions, right?
It’s just that now, in this stage of my existence, all that just gives me the aforementioned “auuugh” -reaction. That used to be the reality of my relationship with Shiva Nata. That reality has shifted, and I’ll have to create a new relationship with the Dance.
Replacing old patterns with new ones, sort of.
(I’m having difficulty figuring out what to write after coming up with that.
Like, I don’t even want to go into detail about how pattern reconfiguration is exactly the point of Shiva Nata, and how that thought just popped in my mind after doing a few starting positions of level 3 and then starting to write this post.
In short, it was one of those “whoah/duh!” -moments that are so plentiful when doing the Dance.)
I can see something ahead
The quote at the beginning of this post is from Havi, again. It’s sort of exhausting, at first, but the post continues in the most reassuring way possible for my current state.
There is no glory in getting it right. It’s all about taking on the challenge and stepping up to the yeah, I’m ready to shift stuff and it’s kind of going to suck for a while point.
Not that you can’t rest into the dance sometimes. Because you can.
Because the practice will carry you. It’s strong enough to hold you in complete safety while you do this wacky, hard, frustrating transformational work.
But ultimately you’re going to have to invite yourself to find the next challenge.
Ultimately. As in, not right away. For now, I feel ready to be carried. And that’s where I am now.
Thank you so much for stopping by and reading these thoughts. If it sparked any insightings at your end, I’d love for you to share them. And, as always, keep catching your own insightings!
Love,
Sari
