Tidbit Insightings – Lent Edition

For the past few years, I’ve been giving up some habit or another for the duration of Lent. On occasion, I’ve gone without red meat, without chocolates, without coffee – though not all at the same time. This year, I decided to give up online chat forums and message boards up until Easter. It’ll be an interesting experiment, not least because I’ve rediscovered my love for the Sedona Method during the past few weeks.

Lent, Day 1: Habitual thinking revealed

A lot of my social life these days has been revolving around a few message boards. A natural consequence of being at home with our daughter who, incidentally, only naps longer stretches in her own crib. On the go, she might take a 45-minute nap, but that’s not enough to sustain her through the day, so if we’re going somewhere, it’s only after her nap and lunch. And even when I do work during her nap, I need breaks. Ergo, there’s been plenty of “oh, I’ll just check the boards while I have my coffee / before she wakes up / now that hubby’s home and playing with her.”

I noticed today that I’ve been thinking in terms of message board thread topics. As in, I notice something and think “ooh, next time I log on I might post this thought in thread X” rather than “ooh, next time I see [name] I’ll tell them all about this!” First reason to cut back on the boards.

During the last few days before Lent, I knew I’d be taking a break from reading the boards and compensated by rummaging through every single half-interesting thread. That in itself was an interesting thing to notice. It wasn’t as much the content of the conversation as it was the act of reading the conversation that I seemed to be needing. Or rather, the illusion of partaking in a conversation. There really wasn’t a need to contribute as much as just experience the social action. The fact that I did that online and, furthermore, on a message board instead of calling, texting or Skype-chatting up an actual live acquaintance? Second reason to cut back on the boards.

At the moment, I’m not restricting any area of food or drink due to Lent. Yet. I might go with a gentle “only eat sweets and such as a dessert or with coffee” approach, as I’ve done some years. Or I might give up, say, chocolate at some point. I’ll find out what I need to give up by trying to think what would leave me feeling most deprived. 🙂 That’s what I’ll need to let go.

Letting go

About a month or two back, I rediscovered the Sedona Method. I was going through my iPod, and noticed I’d set up a keyword search iTunes subscription from BlogTalkRadio for “sedona”. There were a few interviews of Hale Dwoskin in different programs, and I listened to most of them. And then I bought the book, browsed the forums, and bought the film. Suffice to say I resonate with the method. 🙂

The thing that clicks most for me in the method is the fact that every positive gain is a side effect. The main aim of the method is to become so released and “hootless” about the world around you that your happiness doesn’t depend on anything that happens or doesn’t happen. In other words, I might well end up attracting a phenomenal fortune and incredible success as a consequence of being fully released on my life, and I might not, but either way, I won’t care too much.

Releasing and letting go are, of course, processes that happen naturally and there are probably countless different ways and methods to release – EFT, AER, yoga, meditation, the Sedona Method, to name but a few. Regardless of how you release, I heartily recommend at least exploring some ways of releasing. The fundamentals are the same, but people have preferences when it comes to ice cream, so why not self-help. 🙂

As far as Lent is concerned, I’ve made good use of letting go whenever I’ve noticed a thought pattern that relates to the message boards. The great thing about releasing is that you can release on seemingly positive emotions as well, and they’ll only get deeper and better. That way, I don’t have to wonder whether or not this or that emotion is a good candidate for releasing – if I’m feeling it, and especially if it’s not flowing through me for some reason, I can release on it and see what happens.

Shiva Nata Finland brewing on the back burner

Thanks to some work and my MA thesis, the Shiva Nata in Finland project has been simmering at the back burner of my subconscious for a few months now. I’ve been slowly reawakening my practice – recent accomplishments include getting totally lost within seconds of doing Level 3 to Faith No More’s Evidence. Several times.

What I’m currently considering is doing a series of how-to videos in Finnish and posting them here and what will eventually be the Shiva Nata Finland website. I’m also dreaming of a workspace that will be a combination of an office and a teaching facility, but for that to happen I’ll first have to have a steady flow of Skype teaching or appointments to teach locally at different facilities. Childcare poses somewhat of a question with the on-site teaching, but I’m positive that if such requests arise, an elegant solution will present itself.

If you’re a Shivanaut wanting to get Skype consultation in Finnish or English, you can contact me at insightings at gmail and we can work out a time and price for some one-on-one. 🙂 I will start tackling the videos once the penultimate version of my thesis is ready, so probably not before June, but phenomenal things have been known to happen when you’re released on something and put it out there for the universe to cuddle. 😉

Thank you for reading this far – keep catching your own insightings, Lent-inspired or otherwise!

Love,

Sari

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On going in circles, i.e. the New Year’s Edition

This…whatever-it-was…has now been joined by another…whatever-it-is… and they are now proceeding in company. Would you mind coming with me, Piglet, in case they turn out to be Hostile Animals?
Winnie the Pooh (A. A. Milne)

The above quote is from the Winnie the Pooh story where Pooh and Piglet follow the tracks of a potential Woozle – until they realize they’ve been following their own paw prints around a little group of trees.

That’s kind of how I feel whenever the holidays and the turn of the year come along. My mental image of a year is a circle quite like the face of a clock, with New Year up around 12 and the beginning of July on the bottom. (Unlike a clock, however, my year goes – and has always gone – counter-clockwise, so January ticks along from 12 to 11 and so on.) And the proverbial clock is about to strike twelve tonight, which makes me want to look up from the paw prints I’ve been following and figure out if I’m going in circles as well.

Not that going in circles is a bad thing, mind you. Or rather noticing you’re going in circles.

Just before I started writing this post, I did a bit of Shiva Nata for the first time in a while. I did Horizontal level 1 arms to warm up and then started with Level 4 arms. The number pattern is the same, but in level 4 you go from horizontal to vertical and back to horizontal with each step. So if Level 1 begins H1H1-H2H2-H3H3-H4H4, Level 4 begins H1H1-V2V2-H3H3-V4V4. And so on and so forth.

It’s the same circle, but on a different level. There’s an underlying pattern – the number sequence – that gives you a road map for going through the new part.

And that, to me, is the beauty of going in circles. The fact that you notice you’re going in circles is evidence to your pattern perception abilities. The geographical equivalent is the “there’s that wonky tree again, we must have passed it three times already – what’s wrong?”. In social situations, the wonky tree might be the nasty treatment you get from yet another lover, or the way every conversation with a family member always ends up with them blaming you for something you didn’t do. You’ve gone around in a circle, and it’s time to notice the wonky tree.

When you notice the pattern, you can do something about it. You can also observe whether it’s the exact same pattern or if there’s something new to it.

This New Year, as many times before, I’m trying to get my house organized and start with the Flylady system. The first step is to shine your sink, and the idea is to make it a habit and build from there. I must have started the habit ten times since finding Flylady in December 2006 (funnily enough, around the year clock’s strike of twelve again). It’s a pattern that many others have, too, judging by the magazine stand covers – Get fit, organized, out of debt and into your new swimsuit in just days! seems to be a good selling point in January, whatever the year.

The interesting thing was that I noticed a change in the pattern. Or rather, I noticed that something had indeed stuck with me from the previous X times of starting with the system. We routinely make the bed now, which was something that really really didn’t happen, say, five years ago when we first moved in together. I’ve also acquired a decluttering mindset, almost by accident. Giving stuff to charity when new stuff comes in is no longer a gruelling process, it’s a natural consequence of noticing how much happier I am when things actually fit in their closets and drawers.

Some cultures apparently think of time as not linear but spiral. That is, life flows in concentric circles like a staircase, and when you notice you’re back in the same spot in the horizontal axis, your vertical position has changed so you have a new perspective on the past – taking a look down the stairwell, if you will.

To me, the thought makes a lot of sense. In fact, I tend to think the spiral has an expanding quality as well, at least ideally. When you see the familiar wonky tree coming up, you might be able to avoid it beforehand. Whatever you learn, whatever you encounter, if you reflect back on it and observe the landscape, you have the opportunity to expand the circle and acquire more perspective.

That way, you won’t end up chasing yourself around a group of trees forever.

Thank you for stopping by, and may your year 2011 be plentiful in insightings and all that is wonderful!

Love,

Sari

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My future in colored pencils 4 – I Love

To love what you do and feel that it matters—how could anything be more fun?
Katherine Graham

To honor 10/10/10, I created my five-year-plan i.e. the Time Capsule. I started writing my Time Capsule by writing my name and the date five years from now in the middle of a blank sheet of paper. I’m totally a mind map kind of person, so the format was a no-brainer. I didn’t really want to focus on practicalities at all, so I started with a basic question – what do I want to fill my days with in five years? The answer consisted of four key verbs that became the nodes of my mind map and a series of four posts.

The first three nodes were the red one and the green one, and the orange one. The fourth and final node became the pink one.

A bit more than a year ago, I first encountered Barbara Sher’s brilliant book, Wishcraft. Towards the beginning of the book, there’s a simple exercise: write down twenty things that you love doing. They don’t have to be grand or lofty – if you’re stuck at nineteen, make the last one be “eating ice cream”.

I completed that exercise right then and there, and among the things I loved were (as far as I remember) “improvising”, “singing”, “knitting”, “doing Shiva Nata”, “having coffee with friends” et cetera. As I read my list, I realized that there was a shortage of those things in my life during the time. However, the realization came and went as fall turned to winter and my todo-list filled up at and outside work.

I came across Wishcraft again a few months ago, after having forgotten the name of the book (I hadn’t downloaded the free copy but rather read it off my screen) and finally managing to find it again. (Note to self: if you do exercises that feel borderline life-changing, make sure you write the exercises in a notebook or a journal, not separate sheets of paper, and for heaven’s sake include the source! 🙂 ) As I read the book, a thought started to emerge within: could it indeed be possible to align my life in such a way that most of the things I love be included?

I’m a realist in the sense that I don’t imagine getting a fat paycheck every month for just sitting in a cafe and chatting with my friends. I also flinch at the mention of the word “monetize”. However, I also flinch at the thought of having a job where every day is a depressing swamp to push through before “real” life begins at the stroke of five. If I’m aware of the things I love spending time on, I can make conscious choices about jobs to apply for and channels through which to contact people for freelance gigs.

Doing what I love for a living is just one part of the equation, though. In five years, I want to have time to spend with people I love, too. If that means forgoing huge paychecks (since, you know, the Arts majors always get the highest salaries 😉 ) that would involve round-the-clock hours, then so be it. For instance, I’m planning to stay home and take care of our daughter for at least another six months as I finish my MA thesis, and possibly after that as well. We could find a day care for her if I really wanted to go and earn a second income, but so far I’m (quite selfishly, in fact) prioritizing the time with her over a few hundred euros extra per month. However, if an opportunity arises for me to take a few teaching gigs or translation jobs while mainly staying at home, all the better.

Spending time with the ones I love includes spending time with myself, too. My brain knows the whole deal about taking care of yourself so you can take care of others, putting on your own oxygen mask and so forth. Still, it’s ever so easy to forget that it’s actually really important. I’ve been journaling almost every night for months now, and I’ve also been trying to reincorporate Shiva Nata into my routines, as well as yoga. In five years, I hope, I will be able to say “I love myself” without the slightest bit of irony, sarcasm or doubt.

After creating the original Time Capsule mind map, I read a fabulous book by a former Special Needs Educator (in Finnish) recounting her experiences of children who were mistreated by the school system one way or another. The further I got in the book, the more I felt that this, too, is something where I want to contribute. There are children in every school who need love, appreciation and acceptance. I want to spend some part of my career providing those things to children, and helping them provide those things to each other. As a drama teacher, I will have an exceptional opportunity to strengthen the students’ skills in empathy, listening, positive feedback, acceptance and general communicative skills. That, to me, is a wonderful way of spreading love in this world.

Reflections on the whole Time Capsule process

Making the Time Capsule was a spur-of-the-moment thing, as was blogging about it. As it turns out, though, a lot of the thoughts required some percolating before they became blog posts. It was interesting how effortlessly the four nodes and their sub-nodes emerged on paper as I first started doodling the Time Capsule. And as I wrote each post, I was surprised how much sense it all made (at least in my head if not in writing), how many levels of connectedness there were between the nodes.

The original, physical mind map is in an envelope in our bookshelf, addressed to me to be opened in five years. However, the process of mapping out my ideal future opened a lot of things in my present, too. For instance, after realizing how much I crave creativity in my life, we brought in my husband’s old keyboard that had been in storage. I don’t play the piano yet, but the simple fact that it’s in our living room reminds me to play every now and again. Realizing how much I want to teach has motivated me to speak up about my Shiva Nata in Finland project to friends who might be interested.

In general, framing my life in terms of these four verbs today will help motivate me to get more done – if I think of my MA thesis as being a creative work that’s aimed at teaching and helping people, not a necessary evil, I’ll be much more driven to put in the hours.

It seems that by looking into my ideal future for the qualities I want to experience right now, I’ve been able to inch my life towards that ideal future. Huh. Imagine that. 🙂

Thank you so much for stopping by again! I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments, so you’re more than welcome to leave one. Have an insightingful holiday season!

Love,

Sari

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Meta Nata and doing things for me

It’s trusting that doing things to take care of yourself doesn’t mean that anyone else is less important.
Havi Brooks (on sovereignity)

I’ve been wanting to re-establish my Shiva Nata practice for a while, now. The fact that it’s been gone for a while, though, suggests that there’s something else lurking in the shadows, too. And what would be a better way to figure out the lurkers than to do some Shiva Nata and then let my mind associate its way to the answer.

Meta Nata

The good thing about not having done serious Shiva Nata for a while is that I’m really rusty. In other words, it doesn’t take too much to get me mixed up and open to epiphany central. This time, I only had to do a few starting positions of Level 2 with legs, and it wasn’t long until I was getting lost and having to start again.

Excellent. 🙂

After doing about four starting positions and mirror reflections of Level 2, I grabbed a glass of water and sat down at my computer. My husband had agreed to take care of the baby while I did my Shiva Nata and writing, so I could concentrate.

At the top of the document, I wrote “Why am I not doing Shiva Nata?” and took a sip of water. Then, I started writing all the things that popped into my awareness. And believe me, there was a lot of popping happening

*ding*

It has been quite a while since I’ve had one of those “well, duh!” -moments about my patterns. Then again, with the break in Shiva Nata, that’s no surprise either. 🙂 I discovered a few different threads behind my resistance (or maybe indifference?) towards doing Shiva Nata.

The biggest pattern behind it, however, was the whole “not putting myself first” thing. As in, I often remember the possibility of doing Shiva Nata late in the evening, when I’m already going to bed. At that point, I don’t want to give my brain the kind of zap Shiva Nata would cause, so I skip it. In the morning, I hardly have any time to grab breakfast, since the baby needs to be fed, changed, clad and cuddled. And all through the day, I’m more or less tied to the baby when she’s awake.

My husband does help with the baby, of course, but since I’m the one with the food, I can’t delegate all of the responsibility to him. And when the baby sleeps during the day, I seem to gravitate towards less physical activities, such as watching TV or hanging out online.

There’s also the body aspect. During pregnancy and right after giving birth, there’s a kind of protective barrier around the body image. It’s not as much my body as it is a vessel of taking care of, and bringing about, a whole new person. As soon as I start taking care of my body purely for the sake of me, I become (as the voices in my head bellow) a selfish person who puts her own well-being before that of her baby, and how can I be such a horrible monster.

The oxygen mask thing

Yesterday, Havi wrote about sovereignity. About putting your own oxygen mask on first. Incidentally, that’s also what Flylady is all about – loving yourself first so there’s enough of you left to take care of others, too.

I’ve already realized I have to drink enough water and eat well to be able to feed the baby. I’m also beginning to realize I have to get my sleep when the baby sleeps (even though she currently sleeps like an angel, only getting up a few times a night to feed) so I’m not overwhelmingly tired when she’s awake. Being tired makes it easier to start resenting her for demanding care – something I don’t want to end up doing.

In addition to the physical aspects, I think I also have to take care of my mind. The better I feel about myself both physically and mentally, the better equipped I am to interact with her, to connect with my baby, to find ways to communicate. It’s easier for me to try and figure out the message she’s sending when she cries, so I can respond to her needs and eventually remove the cause of her discomfort. I have the energy and the motivation to provide her with inspiration and learning opportunities. In short, I’ll be a better mother when I take care of myself.

Plus, I’ll be a happier person for my own sake. And no, it’s not selfishness, if I’m not doing it at the expense of other people. (This is a huge statement, coming from me, by the way.) Now, if only I could find a way to remember this tomorrow. And the day after, and the day after that.

My goal? Trying to put in five minutes of Shiva Nata every day, topped off with a few minutes of quiet sitting down. I think that’s manageable, even with a two-month-old fighting for my attention. After all, we’ll both benefit from it.

Thank you for stopping by again – and keep catching your own (possibly Shiva Nata-inspired) insightings!

Love,

Sari

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Shiva Nata and blocks

There is no glory in getting it right. It’s all about taking on the challenge and stepping up to the yeah, I’m ready to shift stuff and it’s kind of going to suck for a while point.
– Havi Brooks

So on the topic of blocks standing between me and Shiva Nata for the past few months: there have been some. As in, the understatement of the year. 🙂 The process of becoming aware of those blocks is still pretty much under way, so I’ll try to nudge out some understanding – and maybe some attempt at letting me be exactly where I am with the blocks. So here goes.

The whole concept of doing it right

This block has two sides to it in my head.

During the past few months, there have been quite a lot of changes going on with my life. What with finishing my teacher training, moving to a new house, my parents moving to a new house, getting married and changing my name, as well as starting a new job…

Suffice to say there has been a lot of what-the-heck-is-happening -ness in my life. In those moments, I crave security and comfort. I don’t necessarily crave to be challenged even further. And I don’t need extra helpings of getting something wrong again and again.

Which is a bummer, since that’s pretty much Shiva Nata, right there. My brain knows doing the Dance would help me cope with the insecurity. It would help me to be present in the moment and to accept not being in control all the time. My gut, though, won’t have any of it.

So now, if I do Shiva Nata, I do the familiar levels to de-fuzz my brain or to reinvigorate my shoulders. I’m not even looking towards advancing along level 4, because I get an instant reaction of “auugh, I don’t wanna!!!” when I think of pushing myself in that direction.

And that’s the other side of the block.

I feel I’m totally not doing the concept of Shiva Nata justice by “just” doing what I know. There’s this big sign hanging on top of my head:

You’re doing Shiva Nata for the wrong reasons!!

(warning: the following paragraph will contain several instances of the sh-word.)

I mean, I should be after all those juicy, delicious epiphanies and hot buttered insights, shouldn’t I? I should have the drive to advance onwards, to get deliciously mixed up, to crave being in the zone? Shiva Nata should be my secret weapon in getting through the daily grind of always having to think, create, come up with solutions, right?

It’s just that now, in this stage of my existence, all that just gives me the aforementioned “auuugh” -reaction. That used to be the reality of my relationship with Shiva Nata. That reality has shifted, and I’ll have to create a new relationship with the Dance.

Replacing old patterns with new ones, sort of.

(I’m having difficulty figuring out what to write after coming up with that.

Like, I don’t even want to go into detail about how pattern reconfiguration is exactly the point of Shiva Nata, and  how that thought just popped in my mind after doing a few starting positions of level 3 and then starting to write this post.

In short, it was one of those “whoah/duh!” -moments that are so plentiful when doing the Dance.)

I can see something ahead

The quote at the beginning of this post is from Havi, again. It’s sort of exhausting, at first, but the post continues in the most reassuring way possible for my current state.

There is no glory in getting it right. It’s all about taking on the challenge and stepping up to the yeah, I’m ready to shift stuff and it’s kind of going to suck for a while point.

Not that you can’t rest into the dance sometimes. Because you can.

Because the practice will carry you. It’s strong enough to hold you in complete safety while you do this wacky, hard, frustrating transformational work.

But ultimately you’re going to have to invite yourself to find the next challenge.

Ultimately. As in, not right away. For now, I feel ready to be carried. And that’s where I am now.

Thank you so much for stopping by and reading these thoughts. If it sparked any insightings at your end, I’d love for you to share them. And, as always, keep catching your own insightings!

Love,

Sari

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